Wednesday 5 November 2008
This is growing in a slimy blob on the edge of our drive. I suppose it must be some kind of algae or fungus, but it looks like seaweed. I think I’ll christen it ‘land seaweed’. See – I’d be good at naming stuff! Unfortunately, it probably already has a name, so if anyone knows it, please let me know.
We had an hour of excitement this evening when three fire engines arrived on our bridge. They were looking for a cow in the canal despite the fact that it was already pitch black by the time they got there. The poor firemen were trudging along the very wet and muddy banks with search lights sweeping the water, but nothing was found. We counted our animals and all were present, correct and dry! Apparently a passing motorist driving along the northbound of the M5 had spotted it from the car and phoned the emergency services to report it. Whilst you’d think this is useful, the vagueness of the directions just added to the confusion and led what ultimately turned out to be five appliances including one from Yeovil to waste a couple of hours trudging around all the waterways visible from the motorway – on bonfire night!
We’ve had this before although this is the first time the fire brigade have been called out. It’s usually RSPCA or the police who are contacted by concerned motorists travelling at 70+mph who spot something as they flash past. A few years ago we had a phone call from a concerned policewoman who told us we had a cow that looked like she was calving on the canal bank according to a driver on the M5.
“Yes”, I said. “We know. What’s the problem?”
“It seems to be on its own”, she said. Again, she got the same reply. “Shouldn’t there be a vet present?” she queried.
“Why?” I said.
“I thought there had to be a vet present”, she said. Patiently I pointed out that we had over a hundred cows and we only called the vet if it looked like the cow was struggling, and then only as a last resort since we can usually manage on our own. Besides which, we know they’re calving and leave them to their own devices for as long as we can. Cows have a habit (apparently deer do it to, so it might be a bovine-type thing) where they’ll stop their labour until they feel completely safe again so the less disturbance, the better. “Oh,” she said. “Well, according to the motorist, it looked like she was in distress.”
“Yes, that’s probably because she’s giving birth.”
“She looked uncomfortable.”
“Yes, that’s probably because she’s giving birth. Was she frowning?”
The irony of this comment went slightly over her head. By now I was beginning to wonder how a driver doing an average of 70mph had managed to observe all this in the second or two it took to drive by the canal bank, but her next comment just bemused me!
“The driver said the calf was coming out the wrong way.”
“Which way was it coming out?” I asked.
“Well, all he could see was a head.”
“Yes ….”
“Don’t they come out the other way?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
And that’s where we left it. Personally I blame the many vet programmes that were on the TV at the time which implied a vet had to be present at all times in much the same way as a midwife. So whilst we do appreciate the help, passing motorists on the M5, please be sure before you ring the police. I’m sure they’ve got better things to do than ring me and discuss the finer points of calfbirth.
That has got to be the funniest thing I’ve heard for a while.
I’m beginning to think that surely half the world has lost it’s mind!
Stephanie
Perhaps the policewoman just wanted to know, so next time someone rang she’d know what to say………
The local farm’s fields encompass our village and Mrs Farmer, there being no Mr any more, gets many calls from villagers about the antics of the cows – most of the calls are unnecessary, but of course she has to check.
Oh Jackie I have SOOOOO much sympathy for you and thank goodness no one really needed the fire brigade!!!!!
There is probably a cow somewhere that took a quick glance and popped in for a quick dip when she thought no one was looking in the manner of Andy in Little Britain!!!